still sad 10 years after divorce

} I agree with you so hard to find anyone that really understands the lingering pain while living in the present. If you continue drinking to avert suffering, then this will never help you to heal, and your emotions towards life will only worsen. There is nothing wrong with you other than youve not accepted where you are now and let go of the hopes and plans you had when married. Does he ever think of me? I hurt for my children and having to share new memories with her and that part makes me sad. At every appointment, they can hold both parties to a standard of respect and non-judgment. 2. God bless you! Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it? My career has suffered. I wish him a happy life after all, if you truly love someone, you want them to be happy, even if it is not with you. 10 years is more than enough my dear. Oh, so difficult! I had so many changes to adjust to. TMZ reported that both Sidora and Pittman have filed for divorce after almost 10 years of marriage. You see, every dream died with divorce, I was a stay at home mom and we entertained so often. I am with a wonderful man now and I am happy, and still sad too. Hang in there, perhaps get a pet.mine have given me pleasure & a reason to keep going. Meaning, if I could find someone to date, I would be all for it, but since I can'twell then, I say I just don't want to date. It's important to set some achievable goals. The final dagger was my grandparents will 23 years ago (which I had forgotten, never thinking anything like this would happen) giving me 20 acres of land in Indiana, inheritance is not included in divorce settlement. I have adult children and yes, they have their own lives. My kids are well. I dont know if I have ever felt such an awful feeling of loss besides the death of my parents. You just have to do the work and know some days you will still feel sadness. We spoke to 12 men about life after divorce. And yes, so much collateral damage. And I have not been able to shake my own love for him, even though he hurt me so deeply. The marriage deteriorated. My heart remains unresolved. D. A. Wolf is a professional writer, editor, and independent marketing and social media consultant. Not seen your child daily, especially when child is still very young, is excruciating. D. A. has written for print magazines and newspapers, and she is a regular contributor to Huffington Post Divorce, The Good Men Project, Read MoreFind me on Twitter. The betrayal is devastating. We just needed to voice our shared experience. Wow. Ive remarried,but the grass is not greener over here.How I wish I could turn back time. This surely helped me, & Im grateful for the article and comments; 12 years after my husband left me, a week before Christmas, & moved on with another woman, as if wed never had a life of 25 years. Why rock my boat. I think my circumstances are different than the norm because my ex-wife didnt leave because something was wrong with us. Ben's Answer:The relationships that break our heart the most are often based on an idealized image of the person that we lost. but is still just a imitation of what are family should and would be. You would not be providing a broken home to a child, youd be providing love and stability and a father. Emotional Symptoms of Divorce. I went through the divorce process in a daze, devastated. Done. I found those comments an insult to the (what I thought) was a good marriage of course we had our ups and downs and a loving partnership. But this article said exactly the things that others cannot understand unless theyve experienced it. the pain is there every day . If you were meant to be with him you would be. Median duration of second marriages: Males: 7.3 years Females: 6.8 years. Its pretty impossible to put into words how I feel after 5 years since our family disintegrated. It matters. "@type": "Question", I wasnt perfect, but many people still scratch head wondering why all of this. Takeaway. This is no doubt an essential tool directly after infidelity has occurred, but it may be even important in dealing with infidelity years later. 6-12 years. I would have gone to any length to keep my family together. I gave someone my entire heart, promises, vows, ups, downs, physical intimate moments, and emotional intimate moments I never thought I could give and share with someone. According to multiple reports, the singer has requested to dismiss his divorce case against Princess. Kay I join you in getting a F grade in moving on. Please Click Here to Read Legal Disclaimer Before Utilizing this site. Still, it hurts and is sad sometimes, even 12 years on, but now I know thats okay and Im not alone! I once experienced a lady who was struggling with the pain of overcoming separation alone and when I purposed to hold her hand, she started relaxing, and within a short time, life to her became a joyous one. It doesnt undo the bittersweet clarity that when I look into my sons faces, I see my dad (long deceased) and my exs mother (whom I once loved), both of whom are no longer in my life. Ive been divorced for 1 year and 3 months after a very messy separation and 17 year relationship. In the past 5 years I have gained more confident. And Jennifer L hit the nail on the head. But my heart tells me that interacting with her as a friend is more hurtful. Many men divorce and move on in just a few months, while others take years to go . Only now I realise all that I feel, others feel too. It's not a bad place to be. "acceptedAnswer": { I accept it. But if a marriage is in shambles, then its better for it to be called off than to remain in pain and hurts for the rest of your life. }] I feel I am now existing in some sort of dreadful limbo. I found out my wife of 23 years (27 years together) was having an affair the last Sunday in January 2021. Some of the common signs of depression are mentioned in an article by psy.com. Feeling lost after a divorce is natural and common. They say it takes a year per year that you were married to heal. Effects of Divorce on Children: 6 to 11 Years Old. so I pray every day for her to be back and are family to be one. Ultimately, I support her decision. I used to pray (if you can consider chain smoking outside your apt. After a happy 28-year marriage, we're getting a divorce. Toughing it out. Not seen ones own child daily especially when very young is so excruciating. I love how it allows us to feel and to be ok with the idea that we are sad despite our happiness. Still sometimes sad about not having the life I expected. I am fairly young (late-30s), and I still feel that I want children. The relationship- no kids thank God was very sticky I was 21 when we met, he was 36. It just goes down and down. 0. It sort of put me in a bad spot, because I have no family of my own, so her family was my family. people say you should be over and done by now . He was my best friend, husband and mentor. I know what youre going through. Now my one son and his fianc are choosing the dads side and have minimal contact with my older son, my husband and myself. Then the shoe dropped. You choose to leave now leave me alone. As Cheryl Lawrence says above, I live with dead dreams. Then my dream ends, and I wake up crying. I miss her greatly . Ive got friends I hardly hear from anymore. only with God do I hang on. Thank you for finding those words. By Stephanie Downs - March 1, 2023 08:07 pm EST. At the 10-year mark, by and large, the person who wanted the divorce is doing better than the one who didn`t want it. I still love the woman I thought I married and I am angry at the emotional manipulation and pain she metered out to me which ended with the beginning of her second marriage. College, med school, residency and air force payback and then he left us, filed while he was in another country. Later she said no, I guess not and went on to a great life without nice. I am deeply saddened reading the pain others feel and the hurt by being on the receiving end of divorce. Good luck! Divorce is a complex process that can lead to confusing and painful feelings. It makes me hide a little bit of my truth (the sadness) from people. if I ever get another chance with her I will treat her as a queen . Your piece really spoke to me. "@type": "Answer", Even got the dogshe is small not big! The days I dont see my son are brutally hard. He has seen me in a good, solid, happy relationship for several years now, and while life isnt without its challenges, in general, I have no complaints. Although my ex did apologize, he never really clarified WHY he left. But at times, it happens that there are disagreements that come along the way which is hard to cope up with the partner any more. She took the house, my business, my kids my heart and happiness. Friends dont understand, and my only comfort is my faith in God and lots and lots of prayer. "@type": "Question", My divorce happened suddenly and unexpectedly (to me) 12 years ago after 26 years of marriage. Deeply sad, and still in pain. Divorce can be worse than dying. I am an optimist and hope and pray that eventually for the sake of our children crying spells. I will be praying for you Lerlie, and for each and everyone that have shared their pain and hurt as well on the comments. Im very happy to find this essay tonight, and the comments you have all left. I couldnt say more because this is the solution to becoming a happy person after grieving for over 10 years. Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine offers her advice on feeling lonely after a divorce, and moving on after the death of a partner. We all grieve differently. from their father when they need us both. Thank goodness our children are grown and have started families of their own, so no coparenting or custody to deal with. I live my life, then something triggers the pain all over again, even a simple thing like a beautiful sunset: why isnt he here to share this? Its like a phantom limb. Did I handle things negatively, sure did. Coparenting is difficult. Its been more than a dozen years, but the fact of my divorce, the speed with which the marriage unraveled, the ease with which my spouse moved on, the tumultuous aftermath that dragged on for a decade, the onslaught of related losses All of it still hurts. This so much speaks to me . You may continue hurting 10 years later because of being fed with negative information of your ex-wife thereby holding you from getting over your past hurts. I too get sad in these all too often moments Then I feel the empty space profoundly not for a man I do not miss but where a family history of four ought to be. Our youngest daughters future events such as marriage, graduations, etc., that we now have to be a part of as separate families, instead of being proud together and sharing that moment with each other, Im sitting alone glaring at my ex, reliving the whole scene of him walking out on me with a younger model going on vacations and living it up while I am barely getting 3 hours sleep a night. The worst part came a couple years later as I was sorting through papers to be destroyed. Its like I never existed, shared so many things together. Time is supposed to heal us and all our wounds. My father died two weeks before she left . Also missing were 3 life policies with cash surrender values and 2 annuities. My heart is breaking. It hurts and brings confusion to the children. It leaves a mark,my divorce will always be a sad event in my life like other sad things.I choose to see how I have survived and thrived and I look at my kids now 9 and 10 and think' I did that'.I am proud ,a liitle battered and bruised by the journey but proud nonetheless. Lest you think thats all there is, I repeat: These days, life is pretty good. Ray J and Princess Love are giving their marriage another shot. Theres no going back, only accepting what lies behind & making the best of what is left. My experience is the same as a husband. When one of my kids remarked that he thought there was a profound sadness in me, I was taken aback. This article really resonates with me. You may find all the divorce lectures and traditional wisdom in adages like time heals all, may not fit your circumstances at all. We must live with the choices we made and carry on, I dont feel bitter just very sad x, Yes, that is exactly what we & countless others must do. Call 707-326-5566 to schedule an initial consultation with Santa Rosa Psychotherapist Ben Schwarcz I think that is because i still have a relationship with my ex not with him but with my refusal to let go of him. I still cry daily for my marriage but also as a single parent of an autistic son and tween girl life is tough. But I really related to the authors comments about how many family traditions especially holiday celebrations have been irrevocably impacted. I am still lost, but all the replies I read show my hurting is not alone. Its very hard to move on and not think or focus on the should of, would of and could of. I thought I was taking forward steps. Still, I can only imagine that he, too, senses the sorrow that is part of who I am. It's a process that's extremely tough from start to finish, and you can still feel emotional weeks, months, and even years after you and your former partner have split. Are men and women so different? Add message Save Share Report Bookmark I just do not what I am frightened of. The unearthing of secrets when, like a woman possessed, I became Miss Marple, Agatha Christie would have approved. I truly hope in 2018, I can have a clear mind and an open heart. irritability. I feel completely abandoned and alone. It is best if the communication was limited on business issues only, for example, if the ex-spouse has a role to play in bringing up the children, then allow the communication to be focused solely on the child support. My marriage lasted 21 years, I was with her for 23 years. Im also thankful that there were no answers in your message. It looks pretty hurtful from where I stand. We grew up together, worked in various cities, had good friends, loved each other's familys and then I just left him. Within the last year, I ended my 20-year marriage after slowly coming to the realization that it was a codependent relationship. I will care for her as long as I am physically able, but I am so sad that I have to go through this alone, and one day, she will pass away and I will be alone in my pain and sorrow at her passing. Whether you're 32 years old or just 2, whether you're one-half of the once happily . I am in a much better place than I was 10 year ago but lately I have been profoundly sad but I now understand that the grief never really leaves us, it sits on our shoulder as a reminder of what could have been. He stopped speaking to me full stop. But the pain never goes away . Its good to see Im not alone. We dont need another answer, do we? 13+ years. It echos my experience so far. Best wishes to all of us! March 2, 2023, 8:09 AM. Look beyond your broken marriage, erase the thoughts of your Ex and concentrate on other matters. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. The descriptors are poignant and cathartic to say the least. I became a shell of a person. She left because she no longer wanted marriage and to go down the path we were heading e.g. Im lucky my daughter still talks to me. Sheila. Ive been struggling with anxiety. Friendship is not what I want at all. My separation began that same summer after 18 years of marriage. I had an amicable split, ex was unhappy & I miss him & the good times and I Harbor so much guilt for not being the wife I should've been. Allow Yourself to Be Jealous. My son sees a sadness every so often in me. Do those things! Dreams are broken but lives have to go on. I just found out today that the ex and his wife (my friend) have purchased property in a place where WE as a family would spend summers. That morning somehow felt like a pivotal moment in my life. People can continue hurting because of the communications they still have after dissolving the marriage. { "@type": "Answer", But we weathered storms, my children are now young men, and they will find their own way as we all must, with time. It's easy to slip into dramatic self-pity mode when you're the one left behind, just as it was in my divorce. Peace to you all. I lost a 4 generations family farm, but more than that, I lost an entire life of working toward a financially secure retirement, raising 2 children together, and being so close to her family. A divorce hangover is an ongoing connection with your ex-spouse or former life that keeps you agitated or depressed, unhappy, and stuck in the past. "@context": "https://schema.org", There's also the practical side of it. Purpose to become happy, engage in a relationship that matters and invests in yourself in a better way. A moth named Once-married Underwing (Catocala unijuga) curiously rests beneath the eaves today. Village historic. I am grateful that the man in my life sees my joy and hears my laughter; these are qualities in our life together that are our normal. (How great is that?) It's over between Real Housewives of Atlanta star Drew Sidora and Ralph Pittman. After he left (she demanded he move in almost straight away) he needed counselling and at one point was close to a breakdown. 21. I do not miss him or want him back, I miss the shared life that we once had and the family and shared traditions that still happen and carry on with the person he left me for. She is the single mother of two boys. And after all, since my boys are no longer children, these days its at those events that I am most likely to be interacting with my sons at the holidays, a graduation, some other special celebration. If you are enduring your marriage, there is nothing much to do but file for a divorce.It can be said that the end of a marriage is always a difficult time you don't want to go through alone. He is picking up on some aura, some mood, some indefatigable something that I am still carrying around, or that returns on certain familial occasions. Especially finding out about the other persons affair 2 years later and how it was happening for much longer. Symptoms of divorce-related depression can include any, or a combination of, the following: Sudden loss of interest in things you once enjoyed Loss of appetite Increase in appetite Weight loss or gain Difficulty sleeping Excessive irritability Rage Sudden insomnia Increased fatigue Difficulty focusing or concentrating Difficulty making decisions So I hope and pray that she sees that Im a different man Ive worked on myself for five years and finally listen to the Lord and except no for a no from somebody . No longer. Maybe its her you shouldnt trust and other women, those whove not hurt you, you should give a chance. Heres the thing, what hurts the most for me right now is still not having found another love. 11. I received a summons to have my alimony modified. "@type": "Answer", Obviously the grass is greener wasnt that green. Now I do not trust myself for having been so wrong. 15 years after divorce she is bubbling over with joy, energy and health. Here is the bottom line, Sam, youre purposefully holding onto the pain. We were supposed to do this together. Needless to say, they do not see him and rarely communicate with him. I have truly tried to find out who I am. No doubt my personal history comes into play as well; I was single into my 30s having declined a few proposals, deferring marriage until I was ready, convinced I had made an excellent choice. Im 10 years on 51 and theres a very deep profound sadnesshurt. Some people see divorce pain as phantom pain, conveniently forgetting it is pain nevertheless. You may consider it phantom pain, but its pain nonetheless. However, in as much as the pain is there, its good to mourn but this should not take forever, one should get to know the way out and know how to get out of it, then move on. I still wonder why he left, although the reality was that he lived a double life with me! Along with the occasional look of, "Mhmm, sure.". } Through much pain and even more growth, Ive built a wonderful new life for myself, but I still grieve sometimes for what was lost. Love is not something outside us , but is our very essence. During and after your divorce, you may experience anger directed in a variety of ways depending on the situation that ultimately led to the . Couples counselling, yes, but half-assed. Also learn to put your positive energy in a different atmosphere, visit childrens homes, share their joys and hurts and encourage them that there is hope after a painful living. I also have no contact. Shared custody, full custody, whatever custody a parent is granted; theres a brokeness that will never be repaired. "name": "Can you be completely happy after divorce? I have stayed very close to his family (I only have my mother as immediate family) and so now and again I have to have contact with him. Agree. Ive been to so many different therapist I cant count on two hands The first one was a marriage counselor since then its been all different kinds psychiatrist psychologist its just comes down that I love her and I want to wait on her but the pain going through this is almost unbearable I dont trust any other woman ever again but its extremely lonely I dont get to see my kids very much at all I have grandchildren I dont see them a lot some, Part of the reason is my children are grown so I understand that theyre trying to take care of their own family two of them are married the other one is a teenager but every time I see them I just want my family back to normal I just dont wanna live like this much pain the rest of my life I feel like Im a man without a country. As such, it is essential to take up to 4 years to allow complete healing before you start dating. "text": "Its possible for your divorce to haunt you even after years as you struggle emotionally over how your marriage ended, how easily your spouse moved on, and how hard it is to negotiate the ebbs and flows of life." You need to get out of your head and into your life. Yes, even the not wanting to date after a divorce. That was 5 years ago. Thank you for writing this article and for me stumbling upon it Im so glad there are others out there who understand, and can put into words, how this feels. This is a very profound article, it exactly mirrors how I feel about being divorced even 35 years down the line. I think this is going to be chance for me to finally heal and let go of him. I devoted my whole life to him and our 2 adult kids who blame me for everything and no longer speak with me but have welcome the child bride with open arms. If she's been married 10 years, I've been separated/divorced for 10 years. Not everyone makes it to acceptance. I see my family, our friends, most couples I know retiring together, doing life together, enjoying grandchildren together, but everything we do, well its not the same. For people who already live with depression . This is an excellent explaination of how divorce has affected me. All you have to do is Be Still and trust in God, He will take care of the rest. 'We were still in love when our marriage ended' I got divorced because of a communication breakdown (that oversimplifies it, really) but I regret it because we were probably still in love when. Intense anger may be the main reason most former spouses have no interest in. People wait an average of three years after a divorce to remarry (if they remarry at all). If you can't see a therapist to talk to about your feelings, remember that self-care after a breakup is key. I highly suggest a good therapist to help you. Believe me, I've gotten my share of wide eyes of surprise when I say that I'm not interested in dating. Somehow, I have ended up the bad-guy. I will never finally get over it I suppose. You deserve to feel love and to love and be loved. You deserve to feel love and to love and be loved. We were married for 15 years. Its like I never existed in her world. Oh well. Add in a young child, and the other spouse refusing to work on things, rather, cut bait and get out immediately with no reason. Instead, there is the story of the three of us together, of something in me irrevocably fractured, and I can only hope, less so in my sons. Divorce is like living with a painful wound with which you learn to live for a very long time. Which is sad because we still get along, AOL and I. what gets me thru life is God and my kids and grandkids . My ex moved on, remarried a month after the divorce. And the Feelings Aren't What I Expected. Great article. A ten-year marriage is also considered to be a long-term marriage by the Social Security Administration. Hang on there, you are so precious to God, and there is not one moment whatsoever that He has not been by your side, He will carry you thru this.

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